I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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