I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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