Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
