Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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