ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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