guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
