Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
