Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
