She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need a burrito and a hug.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
