She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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