He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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