Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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