your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
