kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
