I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
