We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
me + whiskey = a bad person
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
