3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
