sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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