Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
