He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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