ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
