I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
