I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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