there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
