my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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