U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
