drinking out of a sandbucket again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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