Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
