things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she told me i tasted like america
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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