After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
