dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
