I must be too annoying 4 u.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
