just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize