I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
