How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
