I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
