Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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