I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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