i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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