I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
