my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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