Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
COCAINE IS GR8
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
