One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
this hospital has no fireball
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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