My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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