Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
