Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
