Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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