TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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