remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
