I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
