Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
