whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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