Farmville is her only friend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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