getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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