So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
