question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Girls should come with a carfax report
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
