I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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