new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
