would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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